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Thursday
Oct032013

31 Days of Fright - Day 2: Killer Klowns From Outer Space

Ok, so let's talk. What is the point of horror movies. Most people are going to answer that and say "To be scary!", and those people are only half way there. Sure, some movies want to be terrifying and taken seriously, but other horror movies? They use the medium to be hilarious, sometimes unintentionally. They are the "B" movies, and are some of the best things to feast your eyes on. And we'll continue the month of horror with my favorite, Killer Klowns From Outer Space.

Sure, plenty of people find clowns scary. Maybe because they saw this film at an early age. I've had it explained to me that, because clowns have their emotions painted on, they are not to be trusted. But no matter what your opinion of Coulrophobia, you have to admit that death by cotton candy is a complete joke. And that's not even the weirdest bit of this movie.

First off, we have the small town America cliche. The police force is all of two guys, one of which happens to be the main characters ex. The other, a hard ass who hates the main character's new boyfriend. We also have the town knuckleheads for laughs and...well, that's it really. There are some bikers here, horny highschoolers there, but most of them are just cannon fodder who for some reason don't find 7 foot tall, scaley skined clowns all that weird. You can guess their fate in a movie where death by shadow puppet is a thing.

Then, we have the glorious, glorious clowns. Or Klowns I guess. These things are huge, ugly looking suckers who make Pennywise look like a glamour model. But boy are they creative. Ray guns that turn you into cotton candy? Check. Mallets? Check. Death by pie fight? Check. Vetriloquist shows? You better believe it (using one of their victims even). These writers clearly had a great time with this. But there is one quibble I have here. Their weakness? I mean, you can guess as the reader, you're pretty smart and it's pretty obvious. I'll wait.

...

It's their nose. The cop figures out that, after pouring a few bullets into a Klown with no effect, if you shoot their nose, it explodes and they turn into a green light show. This is vital information, since Crackshot McGee uses it to kill of a slew of Klowns in the third act. But he somehow forgets this when facing the monster Klown. That's right, the end of the movie results in a giant Klown, Jojo the Klownzilla, to appear and attack our "heroes". So our buddy the cop runs circles around him, shooting at nothing, but it isn't until the monster picks him up to face level that he uses his badge to pop the Klown's nose like a balloon. Can't make this stuff up folks.

Honestly, this movie is hilarious. Get a few friends, a whole ton of liquor, and stay up all night before you watch this. This movie was made for people to mock it and throw popcorn at the screen. Don't expect to feel any sort of fear or tension on this one folks, just enjoy the so-bad-it's-good ride.

Special Note: I tried to make Day 2 Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. I really did. But honestly? That movie is so bad, that it goes past the so-bad-it's-good phase, and goes straight into unwatchable. I get that it's tryign to be a comedy/satire of B films, but it's just horrendous. I have no idea how it spawned so many sequels, and even a Saturday Morning children's cartoon. When EVEN I can't stomach watching, that's a huge red flag.

~Jones Out

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    DBKJones - DBKJones - 31 Days of Fright - Day 2: Killer Klowns From Outer Space

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