Tuesday
Oct012013

31 Days of Fright - Day 1: Scream

 So, every October I attempt a quest to watch a horror movie for every night of the month leading up to Halloween. I feel like it adds to the horror factor, really pumping up Halloween. I've never been able to really finish this, so in recent years I've modified the rules to allow for horror video games as well. Even then, I still haven't been able to finish the month out, so this year I'm going to try and blog the whole event. Each day I'll review either a movie or game I've ingested for the horror factor of the day.

Tonight I wanted to start off strong, and after a process of elimination came down to Scream. Scream is the original horror movie satire. This is THE horror movie of a generation. While older generations grew up with Halloween or  Friday the 13th, by the 90s most ironic horror series had run out of steam. While sci-fi horror became more prevelant, slashers had become a joke.

This was the success of Scream. It played to the rules and expectations of the slasher genre. The archetypal characters are each cast and played perfectly, but the most important of them is the character of Randy, played by a super young Jamie Kennedy. Not only is he the one that explains "The Rules" to the audience, he has an entire scene where he yells at a TV the exact lines the audience would be yelling to him. He is the audience, lifted into the film.

The movie is practically perfect, except for a few jumps in logic that can really take you out of it. First off, the death of Tatum, Rose McGowan's character. She dies by garage door. What the hell? She tries to crawl through a cat door in the garage, which is CLEARLY big enough for her to fit through. She weighs all of 6 pounds, so getting through it should have been no problem once she was in past her albeit impressive chest. But ok, she can't fit. But now the garage door is opening? No door is lifting her, despite being a matchstick. And definietly not with enough force to crush her like it does. And even if THAT was possible, it's moving with more than enough time for her to drop back to the ground. But no, she just dies, because that makes sense.

The main character leaves a woman to die in a car crash without even bothering to check. The killers forget to actually kill everyone else before injuring themselves. This of course leaves five, count them, FIVE people able to stop them while they bleed out. But overall this doesn't take away from an enjoyable movie.

Also, who do I have to blame for this soundtrack. Seriously. Someone has to pay for this. I know it was the 90s, and some of these songs I'll forgive, like "Youth of America" by some band called Birdbrain. Hell, they managed to have Alice Cooper's "School's Out" and Blue Oyster Cult's "Don't Fear The Reaper", classics. But whoever decided this nonsense, "Whisper to a Scream" by SoHo was the appropriate way to end a horror film? They have to pay for their crimes.

Gripes aside, this is still THE horror film of the 90s, and a great way to start a horrorfest.

~Jones Out

Thursday
Aug012013

There Is Hope

So, I have been a little down lately. Nothing life shattering, but you know, when your dreams are realized in the most perfect way imaginable, and the world then craps on them, it hurts.

I'm talking of course about Pacific Rim, the greatest summer movie that will ever be.

I mean, honestly for what it was, it was perfect. Sure some of the characters were one note, one dimensional cliches. Sure there were plot holes on either side. Of course when you take a few steps back and start looking for flaws, you can find some if you look hard enough. But that's not the point of this movie.

The point of this movie was OMFGITSAGIANTROBOTOHSNAPTHATMONSTERHASASWORDFORAFACEOHCRAPBOOMSMASHRARRRRR! And for that, it was perfect. The characters were exactly what was needed. The diaologue was fast and witty and cheesy all at once. The effects dragged you kicking and screaming into a fully realized universe. This was non-stop popcorn selling perfection, and I loved every moment of it. 

But I didn't just love every minute of it and then move on. No no. I bought the prequel comic. I'm hunting down action figures. I won a contest for a Pacific Rim tshirt, hat, jacket, the works. 

And what does America do? NOT SEE THIS MOVIE. I'm seeing excuses like "Well, parents can't really take their kids." TO HELL WITH YOUR CHILDREN! Because of you, we may not get a sequel. America has sent a clear message to Hollywood, and that message is "We don't like new and amazing things. Please give us more Tom Cruise filled crap." This movie lost to Grown Ups 2. Now don't get me wrong, the original was funny and had a lot of good comedians in it, but COME ON. Who the hell choses Adam Sandler over GODZILLA!? People without souls, that's who.

But apparently the international community loved this film. It's made back it's production budget with big openings in places like China. So there is hope. We may see more, which we NEED. Because come on, the fact that movies of this caliber don't track but people are willing to pay for another Michael Bay Transformers travesty...

That's the kind of thing that shakes my faith in humanity.

~Jones Out

Thursday
Jun272013

Release For Drop

Remember how I said I couldn't be more excited for this film? Then it goes and drops a trailer that isn't just EPICAWESOMEROBOTMONSTERSMACKDOWN butalso happens to be friggin' inspiring.

I mean, hell, now I'm ready to go fight some 50 story tall monsters. I need this movie to be a hit

~Jones Out

Thursday
May232013

Two Pilots

I will post everything about this movie. Not because I want to. Because I NEED TO.

I cannot be more hyped for this movie. It's not physically possible.

~Jones Out

Wednesday
May012013

Blacksmithing

How cool would it be if this was just a hobby you had? Where you get to do weird stuff like this all the time?

If I ever get a big enough shed...I'm making it a forge for the hell of it.

~Jones Out